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A. A. Milne

Bad Sir Brian Botany

Sir Brian had a battleaxe with great big knobs on;

He went among the villagers and blipped them on the head.

On Wednesday and on Saturday, but mostly on the latter day,

He called at all the cottages, and this is what he said:

"I am Sir Brian!" (ting-ling)

"I am Sir Brian!" (rat-tat)

"I am Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

Take that!— and that— and that!"

Sir Brian had a pair of boots with great big spurs on,

A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond.

On Tuesday and on Friday, just to make the street look tidy,

He'd collect the passing villagers and kick them in the pond.

"I am Sir Brian!" (sper-lash)

"I am Sir Brian!" (sper-losh!)

"I am Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

Is anyone else for a wash?"

Sir Brian woke one morning, and he couldn't find his battleaxe;

He walked into the village in his second pair of boots.

He had gone a hundred paces, when the street was full of faces,

And the villagers were round him with ironical salutes.

"You are Sir Brian? Indeed!

You are Sir Brian? Dear, dear!

You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion?

Delighted to meet you here!"

Sir Brian went a journey, and he found a lot of duckweed;

They pulled him out and dried him, and they blipped him on the head.

They took him by the breeches, and they hurled him into ditches,

And they pushed him under waterfalls, and this is what they said:

"You are Sir Brian—don't laugh,

You are Sir Brian—don't cry;

You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

Sir Brian, the lion, good-bye!"

Sir Brian struggled home again, and chopped up his battleaxe,

Sir Brian took his fighting boots, and threw them in the fire.

He is quite a different person now he hasn't got his spurs on,

And he goes about the village as B. Botany, Esquire.

"I am Sir Brian? Oh, no!

I am Sir Brian? Who's he?

I  haven't got any title, I'm Botany—

Plain Mr. Botany (B)."